Before diving headfirst into the ins and outs of investing, budgeting, tackling debt, and all the pieces that make up a healthy financial profile and help create an abundant mindset, it's important to acknowledge your attachment style as it relates to money and ask some difficult but important questions that may be barriers to your growth. These attachments may have developed in childhood depending on how money was discussed in your home, as coping mechanisms to deal with difficult situations, a lack of accountability and enabling that allowed you to continue down an unwanted path or any other number of factors that help us create habits and mindsets that no longer serve us in adulthood and need to be unlearned before we're ready to introduce new, healthy ones.
Read below to see which attachment style you most identify with and rather than think through this with judgement or shame, be curious and kind to yourself and acknowledge that you're taking steps in the right direction to develop an abundant and financially secure life.
To understand where you want to go, you need to know where you are right now.
Wherever you are in your journey, being honest with yourself and holding space for the changes you want to make is crucial, the fact that you're here means you're already taking a huge leap of faith and betting on yourself so congrats! Once you've identified your attachment style, start having money dates with yourself and consider finding an accountability buddy to help you be aware of the unwanted behaviors you've learned through the years and make small changes every day.
You are not defined by your attachment style, but it can be preventing you from your goals and the life you want to create for yourself so also try keeping a money journal to note how thinking or talking about money makes you feel to slowly start undoing and unlearning habits and mindsets that are no longer serving you. Once you're ready to start tackling your money ecosystem, start with building a strong financial foundation to set you up for success.
While guilt and shame will get you nowhere fast, internalizing that no one's coming to save you and that it's on you to make these changes can feel scary but ultimately worth the effort to free you of the barriers that have kept you from building and living your abundant life this far!
Money Mindsets
This attachment style can manifest itself in the way of scarcity mindset, constantly worried about money and aggressively saving to the point where you can't enjoy your money and are frequently checking your balances and spending makes you uncomfortable. While this attachment style can help you reach your financial goals faster, it can also prevent you from developing an abundant mindset and being able to enjoy your hard earned money.
Anxious
Is your approach to money disorganized with a lot of ups and downs? Are you vigorously saving one minute and then have a YOLO mentality the next where your hard work and consistency goes out the window? You may have a fearful-avoidant attachment style that may be preventing you from building healthy habits and the abundant life you want and deserve.
Fearful-Avoidant
If even thinking about your finances makes you so uncomfortable that you avoid it altogether and pretend it's not an issue if you don't address it, you may very well have a dismissive avoidant attachment style. This can have many consequences including self-sabotaging your financial growth and putting others' needs above yours because not talking about money is the easier route which can derail you significantly.
Dismissive-Avoidant
This doesn't just apply to finances but having a secure attachment style means you are comfortable with the money you have, can talk about it, and see money and finances in a positive light. You understand the ups and downs of your financial journey and are able to navigate them confidently and openly. If you're here, kudos to you and may you continue learning and arming yourself with as much knowledge as possible. If this isn't you, you're not locked into one attachment style and can unlearn habits and mindsets to get here, acknowledgement is the first step.